I had this thought running in my mind for a long time now that Parenthood with all that it brings along with it , the happiness , emotional upheaval , and tons of other little known dimensions of life , to a new parent , also tends to make some- if not all , selfish . With our thoughts hooked around the idea of providing and provisioning for our kid's needs and securing their future in whatever ways possible , are we losing the ability to think on a broader spectrum of life itself ? Are we limiting ourselves to taking care and securing the lives of our kids ? Did you lose your ability to genuinely care for the well being and development of the society including but not limited to just our kids ? The answer to these questions were a daunting 'Yes' for me.
I feel like if we start to be more inclusive of the people around we would probably be able to be a better parent as well. If we become better humans we would nurture better humans at home too. If we start caring about the less privileged , start showing compassion to people around , start sharing from what we have , we would nurture these qualities at home , the basic unit of a society.
What prompted me to write this post is a conversation I had with a friend of mine. I came to know her through a school WhatsApp group ; which has been very active in recent days due to the remote learning atmosphere that our kids are through. She always radiated positive energy , vibrance and genuine care for all the kids in the group every time she coordinated and planned activities for them.Every conversation that I had with her left a very positive impact on me that I started talking about her at home and even to my parents and friends.
She is a mother of 2 very active and happy young boys ; the elder one is my son's classmate and good friend. The younger boy is around my younger son's age . For most play dates that I take my elder son my younger one tags along and get to play with younger siblings of his brother's friends. I have always been mesmerized with the ease with which she handles the typical tandrums of the boys not just hers but also all the kids there. The attentiveness and parental skills that she display has never missed to catch my attention.
It was a normal play date where I decided to join the boys along with her, now that I was off work and seeking all options to keep myself engaged and out of the house. I noticed that her younger son had lost a tooth and casually checked about it. She explained to me that while he was with his foster parents his tooth had some trauma and had to be removed recently. That was the first time I knew that her second child was an adopted child. It was so much a bolt in the blue for me that I couldn't hide my bewilderment. Knowing how difficult it was to handle two boys myself , meeting all their emotional and mental needs especially the conflicting and competitive needs for attention , I was shocked.
I had always wondered how she had the compassion and empathy to care for all the kids in the group not showing the slightest distinction between her kid and others in the group. Now I had the answer.
She had trained herself and her family the big lesson of sharing , caring and giving from what they had. The big lesson of being able to consider and include someone not yours as yours or in fact more than yours ! She has done her bit to teach the Big lesson of Love! A love beyond relations and selfishness !
Parenthood needn't always be selfish - it can actually teach you how much the world needs parents that can treat others as your own. It teaches you to understand how unfathomably unfortunate some lives in this world can be and enable you to do the little you can to make this a better place.
