A face that keeps coming back...

Times are not innumerable - neither are they occasional - when her face has flashed my mind in the last two years of having met her. Her innocent smile and beautiful eyes keep talking to me.

I met her in one of those few interviews that I attended - in search of a  job and we spoke for not more than ten minutes that day and two or three times after that on phone . I no longer have her contact number neither am I sure if I will ever meet her . But the thoughts around her keep lingering in my mind and hurts me deep at times.

She looked gorgeous- a typical south Indian Brahmin girl with sharp features and modest dressing. She looked tensed than most others in the hall waiting for their chance for the interview. I noticed her as she quickly flipped the pages of the book that she carried trying to memorise or refresh the concepts of PL/SQL - the programming language of Oracle. It was later when I was lost in some thoughts  that she suddenly came near me and asked - " Do you know what are the new features in Oracle 11i". I gave  a  blank face when she asked me what my experience was. I am not sure why she chose to talk to me - probably just that I looked approachable to her. She told me that she did not have  a job currently and that she was badly in need of one. I asked her "Why ?" and this one question was enough for her to pour out her story to me. the story that she told me was sad...and that probably is the reason that it keeps coming back to my mind.

She was working for a  software company when her parents found a  match for her and got her married. But her marriage life did not go fine - Her husband seem to not like her and left her with her parents. She wanted to stay with him - being the only daughter for middle class parents , she did not want to bother them. So she forcefully returned to her husband and was staying with him but 'separate'. She also told me that she feared if she would be killed - Oh my God....I really did not know what to do- how to help. I managed to ask her to go and be with her parents - at least her life is not at risk.. which she agreed.

She was shattered and I could still sense the sadness in her eyes, the pace at which she talked and her movements. Everything was slightly erratic...when suddenly she said " I'm on medicines for tension and sleep. I need this job to keep going".

I was called in for the interview and we did not meet again .She had called me once or twice to check if there was any opening in the company that I worked for. I lost her number when I moved out from Bangalore but her face keeps coming back to me. Hope you are fine my friend !

Change 3

I tend to take many things that people generally take seriously- very lightly - as if it is not going to impact me.  Having delved a little into Christian spirituality , I tend to forget about the gains in this world when it comes to salary, recognition at work and  let go easily.When people complain about not having got good ratings, hike or promotion - I would mostly be be complacent of whatever I get. There are in afct a lot of instances where many of my colleagues have thought that I'm happy because I got a good hike or appraisal whereas in reality I would have got less than what they have actually got.This I think comes from  self-worthlessness - as if I deserve only this much, which i think needs to change. Not sure how though :)

Change 2

My conviction : 'Being silent is the best solution to disagreements'. Realisation : not always and mostly not.

I always believed that keeping silent was the best solution to disagreements with people whether in professional or personal matters. And I chose to remain silent in most of the cases- this did help avoid unnecessary arguments but misled others to believe that I agreed to their opinion - notions. I ,  now strongly believe that more than being silent , it is important to get your views across - even though it might hurt the other person initially, they would know that you are not in consensus with their idea. And success in any meetings,encounters or negotiation lies in getting your view across to the other person and influencing them to change.

Another lighter change which I'm going to practice.

" SPEAK OUT when you do not agree "

Change 1

It has been long since I wrote something. They were many thoughts and topics that I wanted to write about.Could not. Reasons are many that I kept convincing myself to be true. But the fact is, I just could not write.

Finally,  after almost two years I've resolved to start scribbling..:) and to keep it going - for a  Change.

Change is something that I have spent lot of time and energy resisting. I have been so complacent with my way of being that I've resisted change vehemently for a  real long time now. Having developed a  sense of pride in having not changed for years together, it was in deed difficult for me to realize that it was time for me to change. And it is only after I attempted to change that I realized how difficult it is to change and how deep rooted my convictions are. Having resolved to change I am going ahead. 

What I'm referring to is a  change of THOUGHTS ..change of ATTITUDE to life.

Starting from the lighter ones , for example, I have been thinking that 'looks'  have no significance in life and what matters is only what you actually are ; something in reality,  is so relative that it can never be measured or quantified. The depth of this conviction would become clear if I say that I spent hardly 10 minutes a  day on my looks - way too below the average time spent by many. But I now understand that looks do matter - in developing a   first impression and in life where we meet people long enough only to create first impression it does matter to create a good first impression. You may call this articulation - Yes articulation to your favor-  for the good - is important. Many wouldn't agree...it took lot of time for me to agree too...

Stopping with this lighter one for now..:) Keep reading..Keep going..:)

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"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it."

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NIV

Happy New Year 2012 !

My Life !!